Are you sure you're gay?

[TJStewart]

Today, my mom made Parker and I go to this book club thing. She's been doing things like this recently in an attempt to make up for her behavior when I first came out. Anyway, apparently we would just LOVE this book club. Like, "if you're gay, you have to have read this craptastic girl book that we're reading" kinda thing. It was really pretty funny. All of theses middle-aged ladies were cooing over us like, "Aw, how cute that they're gay with each other," and "Isn't it sweet that they hold hands? In public." I could fill a book with the stereotypes that were thrown around today. My favorite was, "TJ? I thought you and Parker were GAY." "Um, we are Mrs. Kandith." "Oh, but why don't ya'll talk in that high lispy voice and wear tight, shiny clothes, and take your 'girl posse' shopping?"

Yeah. I get asked things like this by my mother's friends so often, I'm used to it by now, but still, it surprises me.

[Notorious]

Please throw red wine on them. I assume these bitches where clean, white stretch pants.

[itachisan]

tell them to DIAF(die in a fire)

[butterbridge]

I got this bigtime the other night at a party but it wasn't in a bad sort of way, hard to describe. The crowd there is pretty liberal and open and one of the other guys there was gay, oh and all of us (except one) were major major geeks. But we started talking about homosexuality and they were amused that I shattered the stereotype. Amused in a good way, that its good that people go against the stereotype.

The other guy there didn't look or speak flamboyantly stereotypical but his fashion sense was better than mine, he was pretty good at advising someone on her relationship and he was fairly well-dressed and clean-cut. Whereas I showed up in my scooby-doo T-shirt, 3 days unwashed shorts and bad hair. (its currently in that limbo stage length where its too long to put in short hairstyles and too short to be in long hairstyles, I need to get it cut but have no money. To further worsed the problem it is very fine and super striaght so it cant hold itself in any position and looks bad. Right now I have it in an icky part and semi-combover since I cant get it to do anything else. AAHHH I hate it right now, I look like my dad X.X!!!)

They were asking me my preference in men and such and after a while they couldn't decide what "category" I belong to, they thought I might be a bear but not quite and I definitely wasn't a twink etc. I eventually told them: it doesn't matter, I'm a geek and that transcends my sexuality category. I am a geek before I am gay. They seemed to accept that as not only acceptable but many of them said they too were a geek before they were straight.

But yeah its always annoying when people come to me for advice on relationships and fashion. Some people tell me I need to hang out with them more to "gay me up a bit" but after 2 episodes of Sex and the City, I am ready to retreat into Middle Earth and await the arrival of the USS Enterprise. I sometimes can't handle being stereotypical and it confuses people sometimes :S
Apparently when I am a little bit (or a lot bit) drunk I get a little bit more limp-wristed but people say it isn't much. People who don't know me very well don't notice any change in "gayness" but people who do know me see a fairly moderate change even though its next to nothing.
*One gay thing I do claim is being able to like Lady Gaga. People give me shit for it but for all the un-stereotypical things about me I figure I am allowed to like a few "gay" things >:P Another reason why I am allowed to love her music is because I balance Gaga with E.S. Posthumus, Mozart, Black Sabbath, string quartets, video game music and The Beatles among others.

[Nomenclature]

@Butterbridge:

To be fair: Lady Gaga is a music geek, as well. She's played classical piano since she was 4, won a scholarship to Julliard when she was like, 12 and even arranges her pop tracks with quartet-style harmony; she put an ALTO LINE in the chorus to Poker Face.

I enjoy all the music you pointed out, and I enjoy Lady Gaga's acoustic/live stuff because she shows off what a genuinely talented geek she is, all stupid stage costumes and personas aside.

But if you like quartets, hopefully you've heard Apocalyptica's original Metallica covers; Nothing Else Matters is one of the most beautiful songs ever recorded.


-----


Anyway:


I came out to a female co-worker recently. . .well, more like I didn't deny I was gay and playfully told her not to judge. She was shocked, and the first thing she said was "I have a gay relative. . .you're FAR from gay."
She hasn't really mentioned it since, but every once in awhile she'll slyly throw in little tease or question to try to determine how girly I am. She laughs, because I always roll with the punches perfectly while defending my masculinity.

It's all in good fun, so i'm really not that offended. I've experienced a lot worse, anyway.

[Erkhyan]

Funny that you'd mention Apocalyptica, my commute playlist includes Nothing Else Matters and Far Away...

On my side, "you don't look/act gay" has been thrown at me so often, I have gotten used to it.I have a few very minor stereotypically gay traits (like listening to Dido, Céline Dion and Madonna...), but these tend to fly under the radar for most people here. Heck I could even wear rainbow-colored clothing and still fly under the radar for most people. Apparently fitting clothes and/or cross-dressing, talking with a lisp and adopting a very feminine body language are the only things that might tag you as gay around these parts.

[Nomenclature]

Funny that you'd mention Apocalyptica, my commute playlist includes Nothing Else Matters and Far Away...

Nomenclature Approves.

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Apparently fitting clothes and/or cross-dressing, talking with a lisp and adopting a very feminine body language are the only things that might tag you as gay around these parts.

And we all know that gay people never wear glasses.


People associate male homosexuality and femininity as one-and-the-same thing. I'm definitely not the most masculine guy on the planet, but i'm not feminine either. I'm just a. . .skinny, geeky ethnic dude. Nothing about my behavior is necessarily outrageous or "colorful", so I think that's why people don't make the connection that i'm gay. I can't even do the "lisp"; my voice is too deep.

[butterbridge]

my brother can't seem to understand my being gay sometimes. He is bigoted for some reason and the rest of my family doesn't know why he is homophobic, racist and sexist sometimes. He isn't outright attacking those groups and doesn't refuse to interact with people but he will often drop comments behind closed doors that are incredibly insensitive.

I've started calling him out on his shit, mostly when he drops homophobic comments. I don't understand why he doesn't get homosexuality. When both of us were growing up, our family had a few homosexual friends and for a time was involved in a local theatre where a number of gays and lesbians regularly worked on/appeared in shows. One of the closest friends in his life right now is gay and so is his brother(me), yet hes always asking me why women don't turn me on. We will drive by some apparently hot girls bending over into the trunk of their car and he will turn to me and ask "why doesn't that make you want to turn straight?"
I often don't know how to respond to those comments.

I don't know if he asks those things to his friend too or if its just me. Maybe he feels like he can ask questions like that because I am family and I will stick around after more abuse than a friend might. After this trip we took where I was confined and forced to interact with him for extended periods of time, I've decided to not put up with it anymore. I don't want him talking about cunnilingus in detail, then asking me what I like then freaking out and telling me to stop when I say "biceps are nice". I don't get it and I hate the double standard he holds me to. I'm gay, I like men, I just do. He's straight, he likes women, he just does. There isn't a simpler way of putting it but he doesn't seem to understand or find that acceptable.

It honestly wouldn't be bad if he asked or said those things politely, as if he was genuinely trying to come to an understanding. But he is usually incredibly crass about it and in many ways rude. I know hes had trouble communicating with people in the past but I can't take much more of Mr. Tact, maybe he will learn to try different words if I respond with firmness.

[Nomenclature]

We will drive by some apparently hot girls bending over into the trunk of their car and he will turn to me and ask "why doesn't that make you want to turn straight?"
I often don't know how to respond to those comments.

Next time you see a hot guy with his shirt off in public, ask your brother "Why doesn't that make you want to turn gay?" and then make the face the T-800 is making in your avatar.

I don't get it and I hate the double standard he holds me to. I'm gay, I like men, I just do. He's straight, he likes women, he just does. There isn't a simpler way of putting it but he doesn't seem to understand or find that acceptable.

Maybe you can try actually saying that to him?

I know hes had trouble communicating with people in the past but I can't take much more of Mr. Tact, maybe he will learn to try different words if I respond with firmness.

As a man, you're definitely going to have to learn how to stand up for yourself. If your brother or anyone else gives you a put-down like that, then you should learn how to disarm the situation - or turn it around back on them - with humor and a bit of a sarcastic attitude. I'm not saying you should be mean or argue with anyone, but if you do it right then people will learn that they can't talk to you that way. This is an extremely important part of a man's social networking skills. Everyone who's "popular" in any real-life social situation (high school, their job, large family gatherings etc) knows this. Having a funny-and-sarcastic attitude (as long as you're not mean-spirited) is also a great way for you to make friends and attract a boyfriend, too; people really love a guy who's confident and funny


It's a bit different than trolling message boards, but you'll get the hang of it.

[Lex]

I guess the most I've heard was "You are the less gay between us three here", from two friends, haha. Whatever that meant.